“Just leave me alone” , I retorted back at my friend. A “not so serious” discussion had ended up on a fiery note, the obvious reason being that her opinions never really matched mine. We needed to shut up and the only way to do so was not to talk , at least for the next two hours. I needed to be with myself – alone. I needed to sort things out.
The more I discuss the more unhappy I become ! In a way I just felt that more are the people around me, more are my expectations from each of them and lesser is my happiness quotient.
‘Solitude is the highest form of companionship ‘ , they say and true it was at least for that instant!
But what actually happened was that even two hours post my ended discussion my thoughts were still traversing on the words of despite exchanged and mentally I was continuing with my justifying thoughts cursing the hundred recent negative scenarios I had faced. My thought frequency never settled instead just took off at a faster pace. It wasn’t solitude that I was experiencing!
Solitude is a way positive term that describes and makes us experience a different degree of satisfaction for ourselves and our relationships. There is a difference between being in solitude and being alone. Most of the time we use the label of solitude but actually practice a different thing. Solitude in its pure form is the highest amount of energy we can cultivate but confusing it with negativity like being a loner is a great folly. Solitude is practiced when you are relaxed and satisfied and sit back to devote sometime for yourself providing it with some positive input. What I was facing wasn’t solitude instead it was something close to loneliness. I was disturbed by the fact that my friend couldn’t agree with my viewpoint and in addition to that I felt guilty over the fact that my dependence on her was so much that I couldn’t keep calm when she hovered away from my pattern of thinking. I started assuming and labeling her actions with things like taking me for granted and not UNDERSTANDING me. I was in dire need of her ACCEPTANCE and whenever a time comes when such a thing doesn’t happen I shift into a disturbed state and feel a sense of loneliness. What I realized was in no way did I find any solace in those two hours. A turmoil now with more number of problems and issues lingered on in my mind. I just realized that I had actually created a more resentful and angry thought process. Because I wasn’t ALONE in these two hours instead I was LEAST alone.
When we cage ourselves in such a situation and completely escape off from our friends and family we are actually putting ourselves in more trouble.
As the saying goes ” if you are lonely when you are alone, you are in a bad company”, pointing to the FACT that closing yourself from the world at a point when you are emotionally frustrated is like inviting a worse phase for yourself. In such a state of mind we tend to create scenarios which do not even exist in real life. An extremely negative state of mind forces us to see everything in a bad color and in a discolored state. We start becoming rigid and cold. We start viewing people and situations as weapons lined up against us. A sense of negativity for the people around us dominates our thinking pattern.
But then what should I have done at that time? If being alone at a such a point wasn’t a cool idea, even continuing with the blaming words and our arguments wasn’t also. So what really should I have done? Maybe listening to some positive advise from someone was a better option. Take for instance your best friend has a fight with her sibling and then texts you about that scene. She is really disturbed! What would be your reaction? You would obviously cool her down and advise her to focus on the positive habits of her sibling and not be disturbed. You will find ways to cheer her up and help her in regaining her calm. The way your friend will now react will be way too different from the way she would have earlier behaved. Maybe if she hadn’t texted you she would have thought about a hundred scenarios where her sibling wasn’t good to her but now maybe she is ready to sort out things with her sibling just because her mind is now in a calm state and whatever she thinks now is rational thinking and not a frustration driven thought pattern.
That is where the essence of the fact lies. We also at such a time need a relieving pill in the form of a person or some positive input. At such a point we should either discuss with a person who will lighten our mood or indulge ourselves in something positive like listening to a positive lecture , writing ten positive things about our life or something similar which shifts our attention towards positivity. We should not close ourselves because that is synonymous to poisoning ourselves. We need to surround ourselves with positive energy and people. We need to reinforce the fact that life and people love me! We need to remove ourselves from the label of DEPENDENCY and consequently from the feeling of LONELINESS. The more you push yourself in the alone category more remorseful we tend to become! Surrounding ourselves with chirpy people who laugh things out instead of being too critical about them is the secret to elevate your feeling especially at times when you are emotionally drained out. So don’t be disheartened when things don’t work in the way as I expect them to be instead look for more positive thrusts in life!
The crazy mingles deafen,
venomous words strangle,
The world staging its shuddering gamble,
Look down upon me,
blurting out a traumatic fumble!
The loneliness haunts my trifling silence,
Whispers diminishing reliance!
But then again fortune shines,
Clouding away resentful whines,
A friend enters easing the walk,
resounding hard makes a knock!
The laughs shout and discolor the black,
Cheers heaped in my sack!
The maze soon clears the hint,
Stabilizing every trivial tilt !!