A cleaning campaign began in my house, as my mother directed each member of the family towards some cleaning. I snorted at the site of my almirah and regretted not maintaining it in a clean manner throughout the year. Now I had to put an extra effort and clean the things up. As I opened it up, a huge lot of things fell over me. The belongings now took the floor too, making the scene all the more messy. It seemed as if I had all the more dirtied the place. The mess of the almirah had conquered the floor. It took me nearly two hours categorizing the things, discarding the waste ones and rearranging the useful ones back again in the almirah.
After those stressful two hours I smiled proudly at my achievement. I had finally done it. The impossible task which I had been procrastinating since months, was now done beautifully.
A physical cleaning up session had given me so much of satisfaction. I wondered at the satiety a personal emotional cleaning would provide. But then again I thought! There were a hundred of things in my attitude that had always made me feel guilty, whether that be a mood swing, or a rigid way of behaving, Or a habit that had too much power over my ability to control the same. I mean there were so many things about myself that I had been trying to overcome. It is not that, that I didn’t want to heal myself but why weren’t things working up. Why hadn’t the cleaning be successful. I pondered again at the almirah thing. Maybe I was just seeing the mess, the untidiness of my habit!! This mess made me too weak to clean up. And even if I had begun my cleaning I never could wait for those two hours for the mess to clear up.
I always was too overwhelmed with the mess that I failed to see the cleaning up I had already done. I realised that feeling guilty about some personality trait of mine was the first step towards cleaning myself. But eliminating the habit completely too would take some time. Similar to the almirah anecdote where the mess appeared to double up as I opened it, this trait of ours becomes more visible to us as we try and clean it up. And maybe this fact brings in more disappointment in us, in a way weakening us. What I realised was that we have to wait and continue with our efforts of cleaning up until we achieve it. We shouldn’t be disheartened by the repeated mistakes we do even after realising them. We need to continue our effort of organizing ourselves. Because what appears to be may not always be the reality. To build a more beautiful building we have to destroy the previous one giving way to a shabby outlook. But soon we know we will transform this mess into a beautiful thing altogether. Exactly like this we should not loose hope in times when we cannot commit to a transformation. Instead we should denote our full time to it and wait patiently for the result. We would definitely be able to conquer our habits and moods, we just need to focus on the future that we are creating and not brood over the misguiding present that we see!!
Ending my thoughts with a poem,
The mess around disheartens,
None of my sins it pardons,
I know I have tried my best,
Why do I continue to fail the test?
Maybe then I realize,
It takes time to break the messed up ties!
No doubt the darkness disheartens,
But life isn’t all about closed up cartons!
I need to believe in the light that is to come,
And not let my feelings go numb!!
It has to rain before the rainbow shows,
A future in it sows!
Believe in the future of your dreams,
Wait before the unravelling of the beautiful realms!